I feel that this is worth the read for those on the path xxx
At the moment there are so many of us on the spiritual path having incredible dreams, visions, past life memories & regressions with clear memories surfacing of lives perhaps as kings queen priests priestesses (even perhaps tapping into lives and consciousness of some well know figures), activations, initiations, downloads, it is quite extraordinary what is happening and these events are quiet extraordinary. Whichever course or meditation you are drawn to do, it is happening, as the energies are pouring in right now to those called to open to them. As you know this is the beautiful mass Light awakening that is changing our very DNA, it is our evolution as a species.
As a result we are all receiving this message that we are important, a chosen one, and we are. When 2 circles become one and we stand in the middle, we become the one, we are the one and we will receive the message of that as that is what we are becoming - the one in the centre. I did a meditation recently and found myself standing in the middle of 2 circles between Mother Mary and Mary Magdalena in either of the others ones, and heard the words so loudly “you are the one” and my (little monkey) mind was so confused (this is ego , I cannot be the one etc etc) But what was being said is that if you stand in between the 2 circles, you are the one. You become one. You are whole. We all have access to be the one. And when one obtains ‘the one' it is an incredible moment and can take years of spiritual work (for some, we are all different). This is not to be de-valued, it is an extraordinary achievement. And one wants to tell the world about it. it is a download and opening an awakening to be shared. So it is very important this light is shared to help others to have the same experiences.
This is happening to us all at the same time on differing levels. Some have been on the path for 20 40 60 years or since birth, some have been on the path for a few years, some were born doing the work consciously. All our stories are different, no one better, no one lesser.
When one has a massive mind blowing spiritual experience, it is so mind blowing it makes one feel different to others, as when one comes out of it into the every day world one else can relate or seems to be walking that path. It is basically just like being the only one on LSD walking down the street. This is how it feels like, for you can see everything so differently all of a sudden. This can lead to a feeling of separation. But please remember that there are many others gong through the same and quite a few actually, even though at times it might not feel like it and you might have to go seek the others out. This is important to recognise to lessen the feelings of separation and also reduce the tendency to go into ‘ritual ego’ that comes with that separation in a culture where we are the centre of everything and focused on our own trip. It was meant to say 'spiritual ego’ but auto text corrected it to ‘ritual ego’ and I like that very much, because it is like a part of the ritual of awaking and there is no shame to be had for the very human experience and emotion that we all feel to different scales.
We so want to be seen by others for what we have witnessed and what we are, or else we are so immersed in our mind blowing trip which is absolutely extraordinary, that we may forget to see that there are many others having equally mind blowing experiences.
I often have met people who have been involved in mind blowing crazy portal openings that forget others have too.
Perhaps they might be shouting out about it - I had an old friend came and stayed with me a few years ago who had a past life regression as a queen, and was a well known lecturer in shamanic fields, and I could tell that she actually believed that she was greater than me. We had not seen each other for many years, and since then both of us had been travelling upon the spiritual path. She did not know what I was doing as I had not really told her much and even when I tried to, she was so full of herself it was embarrassing and uncomfortable. I found myself trying to prove to her who I was, but I actually just went quiet and left her feeling small and shit about myself. It was a wonderful mirror. I have also seen and felt my life as a Queen (and high priestess etc etc) so vividly and aligned with my Higher Self in such beautiful ways, that I struggled for some time afterwards with this feeling of being different but not wanting to be ‘better than’ but also completely unable to relate to my friends and family. And I was different, I had experienced this incredible initiation and memory and I needed to honour that within myself - without feeling ‘better than’. When one has had certain levels of initiations you don’t need to go around shouting about them, it is an energy. Those who see will see. Those who won’t, won’t. Those who shout the loudest maybe haven’t received the initiation fully and are still wanting to be seen and to prove their worth. Like my shaman friend, I have come across guru type teachers who are so busy telling me how it is they have no idea who I am and do not see me before me and all my experiences. Yet I must have compassion that they are just humans so excited to share their incredible experiences to others. And it is challenging to be a teacher and hold space for so very many seekers. When this happens i receive the lesson, and look to myself. Am I wanting to be seen and valued by them and why? What I trying to prove? How might I be shouting out like this? I find it very challenging when I meet male lecturers who might perhaps tell me who Mary Magdalene is for hours without me getting a word in, when I am aligned and have taught her way for some time now. But maybe that is my fault for not speaking up, and rather than protecting out my frustration to label them as egotistical, I should speak up and tell them what I feel and who I am. maybe they are just passionate which is wonderful. Or maybe they are just full of themselves and dominant. But either way we must give people a chance rather than just label them and project onto them. We must speak up rather than project out.
For example, on the other end of the scale, there are those who keep it quiet and do not speak up, perhaps a bit like I went quiet in the previous story with my famous-shaman-friend. For instance, I have also had a friend who is silent and doesn’t share his spiritual path as he belongs to a path where you do not share about it. But I experience it a spiritual snobbery because when I open up to him, he gives nothing back. But because he does not share, what I see as happening, is that he goes into inferiority which makes him feel ‘lesser than’ and also ‘holier than’ - ie he compensates for the ‘lesser than’ by thinking that the other is being spiritually superior, but he is the one who is spiritually superior without talking about it ie. I feel his to be ‘lesser than’ become a ‘better than on the quiet’ because through not talking about it he puts others in the position of talking about it so they become the ones saying how it is. He puts them in that position. He is perhaps seeing others as having spiritual egos, because he can’t relate, but actually he is perhaps the one with the biggest ego of all. He has also been a very interesting mirror for me. He is so busy being zen, but is caught up in his huge ego that derives from a feeling of separation and lack from worth.
I can see parts of myself in both these people and these stories. And the answer always comes back to self worth, for when one is in alignment with value and worth one can speak up without lording over. One can ask to be seen which is important, but without being better-than or lesser-than.
We have been involved in mind blowing crazy portal openings and we can all forget others have too. Let us remember if you have this incredible knowledge, there are others with knowledge too, you can find them. And when you do it is about seeing the other and not just focusing on the self. And you can only see the other, if you can truly see and value YOU! How ironic! Those busy shouting about it and lording it over or silently labelling others as egotistical, do so because they are not truly dropped within their own self worth.
It sounds pretty basic but it isn’t in a narcissistic culture where everyone had tendency to be self immersed and focused on their own path and story, feel they / their work is at the centre of events and relates everything back to them.
Let us remember that narcissism has its roots in ‘lack of self love’ rather than ‘too much fake self love to compensate’.
Self immersive reflection is also very important when it has its roots in true deep self value, and I commend this deep dive that so many of us are on as it is not an easy pathway to walk, and wow I take my hats off to all those of you soul searching into your wounds and into your souls for healing and expansion to look at yourself and to look at the world, a path which is actually the very opposite to narcissism as you wont see many narcissists looking at themselves honestly. And for those of you who walk this path please remember to rise from wound-digging into joy and expansion too. It is true that not many are prepared to look at their wounds and inner emotional roots, but then let us remember there are many of us who are. You can find them.
But whilst you feel separate and unique in your incredible experiences, also remember that it isn’t shameful to experience spiritual ego, because in a way its normal if you have a ring of incredible experiences then are surrounded by a culture made up of people who seem to be operating on an entirely different level and that can feel very alienating and difficult. So it is human to go through that. If you are not a narcissistic madman, which very few are, then you remember to check in and be aware what is happening and look. Please always look with no shame for I want to humanise all these emotions that have been given dirty labels so everyone denies them and projects them out onto others.
When one holds knowledge to a certain degree and is surrounded by people who do not have that knowledge and do not know that you do, it is difficult to try to navigate that and the way is not to see the divide and separation but to find the commonality - all one human race with love. Others may not have the same knowledge in that field, but they may have other gifts that you can learn from. And there is always someone with more and someone with less, right?
Someone texted me about codes I had spotted and said sarcastically “is it just for the spiritually initiated to see then” We were talking politics and this was a total dig at my spiritual path. As I reflected upon this I felt this battle of worth within each one of us who had to learn it for themselves, within us both. I don’t think i have ever met anyone who has genuine deep self worth and spiritual sovereignty. It is a journey of soul searching to get there. I see people oscillating between spiritual inferiority and superiority on that pathway. When someone has low worth they must compensate and project without. This causes a lack of value for others. I had a close friend who didn’t seem to value our friendship and it confused me for some time until one day I realised and saw that it was because she does not value herself.
Some people think it is egotistical to use the label ‘high priestess’, but I think it is egotistical not to. I think it is fake ‘holier than thou’ to say ‘we are all equal in soul and we are all high priestesses’ and ‘titles are of the old world ways’. because we are not. It does take many initiations and training - in this lifetime in the 3d. When one has been through several years of intense training one earns that title and it is a sacred seal. It does not mean ones experiences are ‘better than’ or ‘one is higher’ than another. But is does give value to all the work one has achieved and that is what titles are, sacred seals to be honoured. Titles are not ego, to say they are is a projection of lack of worth. They are forms of honour and acknowledgement and respect and a form of giving value to a pathway one has worked at to achieve. So I want to give honour and value to that - for both myself and all my students who get there after a courageous matter of dedicated years. And wow have they fucking earned it!! They have earn that title like I did. I see them, I see them pouring out their hearts and sharing and working on themselves and doing the meditation and committing really committing for years to it, to get there. The very opposite of narcissism! It makes me mad to see people say “we don’t do titles” when I see initiates dedicated and who are so worthy of those certificates and titles at the end. It doesn’t mean they are better than others but it means they can be sen for what they have done. This is why I am challenged when someone calls themselves a priestess or high priestess after a weekend course or a past life memory. Likewise I give certificates if someone wants one for a distant reiki attunement, as although it is ‘only’ a distant attunement that took half hour, it is also a recognition of the attunement, it is a sacred seal to recognise and acknowledge the sacred energy and it gives further value to the energetic attunement. So sure many of us are priestess in soul and we all have access to all energy rays, and who am I to make judgements on another pathway. But let us remember the title is a sacred seal of initiations taken, it is about acknowledgement and recognition.
In this work the work is never done. The healing is never done. Self worth and self love is a daily practise. Self reflection is a daily practise. It isn’t done, lesson learned, ticked off the list. It comes back again and again and again. Projecting out is also a constant thing, for the world truly is our reflection. Spiritual teacher become reflections for others and others become reflections for them. Some people may accuse a teacher (by teacher I mean someone who holds space) of being such and such and it may be that they are just dumping all their shadows on the other and accusing them of the very thing that they need to look at for themselves, or it may be that there is an essence of truth and then one might ask why am I looking at a teacher who is like this. We need to keep on looking at the reflections for no reflection is by accident. You do not read this by accident. You do not attract a person or event or teacher by accident. There is no coincidence.
And so spiritual ego has become a dirty word that OTHER people have. Actually it is a human ritual we ALL go through on the path. Sure there are some who are more in their BS than others, but they are simply mirrors. Maybe you are lost in your BS without realising? And that is okay by the way, just acknowledge it honestly, it is only human, you are only human. You have had this massive awakening and everyone else around you cannot relate nor understand and seems asleep and that separation is hard to navigate. With this separation, on one end of the scale you feel you are ‘better than’ others and as you go out to save and spread the messages and experiences. You then have more incredible experiences and channel all day long and at some point one after years of this is working to a very high level of initiation and it is hard to relate to those who are not on the path. But a true mystic will see love in all. It is hard to navigate this separation. We are only human. We all know that not a sense of being better than or less than, that we are all equal in soul. Yet it is important to own one’s gifts and experiences and value and share them too without trying to seem like one is saying one is ‘better than’. One wants to be equal yet one wants to value one’s many initiations. I do not want to belittle all I have experienced on my pathway to become a high priestess, as I have had huge initiations and I want to honour those. But at the same time I am also human being just sharing an experience to others and we are of course all equal with different experiences and who is to say which is ‘better’… all branches of the tree lead to the sky. Ego is part of this journey that all of us humans on this pathway will cross, there is constant oscillation from better-than to less-than in to the heart of deep self worth, and there is no shame in being human facing these issues. And I do have to ‘eat my own words’ for sure.
Ego is not a dirty word. Whether one has high ego better than, or low ego lesser than, or a bit of both, it is just human natural condition that every single person has, to different levels. The difference is some people search to dig deep to look at themselves and look at this issue, and others do not and simply project out and remain lost in it doing no soul searching. The way through that is self worth and self honour. If one carries a true self worth the battle just dissipates. It is all resolved in the moment of just being when it all comes together in a deepening of aligned self worth, then the UNITY happens
Being a spiritual teacher is hard and lonely at times, because many do project onto you and you have to carry that. It can range from worshipping you to blaming you (ie my silent-friend story above). So far I have been fortunate in that only about 5% of my clients and students have done this, mostly the people I magnetise to my courses to connect with, seem to be similar to me and genuine lovely seekers. However, like many initiates, I have had my dark night fo the soul in my personal life losing many friends and partners as I underwent spiritual initiations and that has been hard to bear but a part of the initiations of course.